so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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