I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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