Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
