Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Say something about gay babies.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
