She is in my trunk
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
