So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my being single is dangerous.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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