I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i now understand why vodka
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