Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
