he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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