he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
