i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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