I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
