im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
