Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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