Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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