I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
