i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
