Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
