My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
