I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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