the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
