We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just found puke in my bra..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
