I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
