I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
