Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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