dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
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my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
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You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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