I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
