I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
