I just threw up on my dentist
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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