There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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