Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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