Pappa wants mamma naked
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
