i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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