High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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