yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
