Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
