i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
