I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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