her vagine was all disorganized.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
