thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
