her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
