And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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