Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
