Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
