We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
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Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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