my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
