Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
