We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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