i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
