is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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