My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize