a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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