I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
