At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
No subtext here. People are naked.
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she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
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I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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