a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
