Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
