Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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