I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
