her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
