it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
