I want to have your abortion
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
